ONE DAY WE'LL BE VINTAGE

Late Night Thoughts

So I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m literally just sitting here and crying, like I’ve been doing for the past two hours. And I can’t stop and this sounds pathetic, but I’m hoping that maybe the right person is reading this at the right time. And I’m scared to go back to that time when I related more to ambiguous metaphors about an island being beaten and washed down than other people. And I know I’m being ridiculous, but I want to like it here.  I really really do, and I’m trying so hard to fit in and stop feeling anxious and alone. I can’t help being this weak, or maybe I can but I won’t.

Everyone keeps saying that they’re proud of me and that I can keep doing this for a few more years, but the truth is I can’t. I don’t know how I’m going to keep myself good for that long. I was so scared of having like, my soul being sucked away from me, and honestly I think it’s happening. I’m so scared right now

I don’t want to be an island again.

thedailywhat:

Syrian Uprising Account of the Day: Know Your Meme user X-singular has been providing a daring first-hand account of the escalating bloody violence between the Syrian Armed Forces and the Free Syrian Army. The words, pictures and video (some Not Safe For Work) are a harrowing glimpse into a conflict which has seen a daily body count into the hundreds, and sent thousands of refugees fleeing towards friendlier borders.  [knowyourmeme]

thedailywhat:

Syrian Uprising Account of the Day: Know Your Meme user X-singular has been providing a daring first-hand account of the escalating bloody violence between the Syrian Armed Forces and the Free Syrian Army.

The words, pictures and video (some Not Safe For Work) are a harrowing glimpse into a conflict which has seen a daily body count into the hundreds, and sent thousands of refugees fleeing towards friendlier borders.

[knowyourmeme]

I feel like I’m failing everyone.

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s just one of those days, but man. I really am just not doing well in anything. And what hurts the most (is not being so close) is that everyone was cheering for me. And people see my pictures on facebook, and they’re like ‘RAH’ or ‘I am so proud of you.’ Honestly, I don’t deserve it. Yeah, I got into a good school. But it doesn’t mean shit if you’re at the back of the pack. I’m not at the top of my class anymore; I’m nowhere near there. I know it’s something I have to accept, but damn that’s hard. I’m also literally at the back of the herd when it comes to PT so that also sucks. 

And I feel like I’m being a terrible daughter, friend, and girlfriend. No, scratch that, I don’t just feel like it, I know that I am. Everyone thinks I have so little time, but it’s not just that. I could write home, but I don’t. I call when I can, but I just. Ugh. This is just really frustrating for me. And I don’t know who to turn to. I honestly just want to curl up into a ball and cry for a bit. Is that ok? Is that weak? 

Yes. Yes it is. And it really fricken sucks to suck.

Take, oh take those lips away,
That so sweetly were forsworn,
And those eyes, the break of day,
Lights that do mislead the morn:
But my kisses bring again,
Seals of love, but sealed in vain.

Hide, oh hide those hills of snow,
Which thy frozen bosom bears,
On whose tops the pinks that grow
Are yet of those that April wears.
But first set my poor heart free,
Bound in those icy chains by thee.