So I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m literally just sitting here and crying, like I’ve been doing for the past two hours. And I can’t stop and this sounds pathetic, but I’m hoping that maybe the right person is reading this at the right time. And I’m scared to go back to that time when I related more to ambiguous metaphors about an island being beaten and washed down than other people. And I know I’m being ridiculous, but I want to like it here. I really really do, and I’m trying so hard to fit in and stop feeling anxious and alone. I can’t help being this weak, or maybe I can but I won’t.
Everyone keeps saying that they’re proud of me and that I can keep doing this for a few more years, but the truth is I can’t. I don’t know how I’m going to keep myself good for that long. I was so scared of having like, my soul being sucked away from me, and honestly I think it’s happening. I’m so scared right now
I don’t want to be an island again.